Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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