I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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