Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sext me about skeletons
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
