Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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