someone threw a dead crab at me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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