She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
