we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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