Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
