Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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