I can feel you judging me through the phone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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