I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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