Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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