i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
