i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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