if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
