I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
