Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
