Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
