Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
