So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
