Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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