it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
