Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
