Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
