Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your cock deserves a montage
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
