I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
