this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
