so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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