it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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