His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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