brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
