Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
