I'm eating all of the evidence.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
