I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
