woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
