I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
