You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
