well you can't waste a boner
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
