Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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