i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
