I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
