I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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