I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
