I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
