We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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