Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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