my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
