at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone came in the potted fern
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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