Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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