So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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