There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize