its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize