you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
