Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
