i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
