I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
