just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All the doctor said was why
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
