i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
