Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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