Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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