i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
