in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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