I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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