Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
