Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
