Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
