were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize