my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
