i can't believe i had my finger in that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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