so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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