What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
