i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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