My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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