I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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